Saturday, April 1, 2017

The Trepanation President?

All the way back in 2007, before I really even knew how to properly clip source articles, I put up this post about trepanation, the controversial practice of drilling holes in your head in order to increase your level of spiritual realization. The photo above, which has been going around the Internet for about ten days, has raised some questions about whether or not President Donald Trump is considering taking up the practice.

Tracing the photo back to its source, though, it turns out the captured incident with the power drill was just the latest attempt by Trump to remove a listening device from his skull that he believed was placed there by his predecessor, Barack Obama.

Rushing toward the president as he pressed the eight-inch bit into his temple, several White House aides managed to wrestle a drill from Donald Trump’s hand Monday while he attempted to remove Obama’s listening device from his skull. “Obama implanted a microphone inside my head to record everything I say!” Trump reportedly shouted shortly before three White House staffers pinned him to the floor and pried apart his fingers to seize the power tool. “You don’t understand, he can hear everything we’re saying! Obama can even hear my thoughts! I have to get it out! I can feel it! I can feel it! I can feel it!”

While it is something of a relief that we don't have a president who thinks drilling holes in his head will make him more enlightened, his obsession with the alleged listening device is still troubling. If Obama really was able to implant a listening device inside Trump's skull, nobody is safe. It's hard to even imagine how it would work.

Some sort of earwig-like micro-drone that could be piloted into the ear canal remotely, maybe? It's not completely beyond the realm of current technology, but it would require some pretty expensive miniaturization work. Or maybe it was snuck into his hair while he slept, then anesthetized the skin and burrowed its way in. There are no pain neurons in the brain, after all.

Still, the president could be wrong about the whole thing. He is wrong a lot, after all. Or, maybe it's just still April Fool's Day somewhere in the world.

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